No one wants to admit this, but women are tired. That’s why divorce is on the rise. Despite popular belief, it’s not because we wake up one day “and fall out of love” with the person we married. We are tired, tired of being responsible for everything… Now don’t assume this is a male bashing article. It’s not. I am simply trying to shed some light on a silent epidemic. It might even save someone’s marriage.
Now let me start with this, we didn’t ask for the responsibility. We don’t ask for it. We don’t want it all either. And divorce by no means makes it any easier, but it does alleviate the daily tension, compounding resentment, and stress many women experience with the person they once “loved”.
Not one of my friends has ever called me and said, “I really just don’t love him anymore, I want a divorce. I want something “new”. The calls, instead are often, and frequent, and become a build-up of frustration, resentment, loneliness, and anger… and ultimately exhaustion. I don’t use the word complaining on purpose, because it’s a word that isn’t taken seriously. It’s often associated with “nagging”. When instead women just wants a partner to help, support them, understand. They are desperate for it.
And no, I don’t buy the excuse men and women are different, that they think differently. That is the easy way out of the conversation.
When two people get married they sign a contract. A legally binding financial and life contract. In business, this means you will work together, “through sickness and in health” to build a strong and successful business, no matter what, at all costs. Because the stakes are usually so high. Most people invest their life savings into a new venture. And in this venture they work to build a strong and stable future. So why, is marriage any different? Why does marriage fail so often? Why aren’t the two people putting all their effort into building something strong together, that will stand the test of time?
When women started working outside of the home, something changed. Not only were we now expected to work a part or full time job, to be able to contribute financially towards our “contract”, but we also, usually by default are STILL responsible for the house and the children. And somehow the workload of the house and children has NEVER balanced off.
Yes, men will mow the lawn and fix things, but women USUALLY are the ones not only managing the house but the lives of everyone in it, including the spouse, the husband. Because she loves him, and wants to take care of him too. We love to take care of our children, our family.
And we do this naturally. It is our nature to be able to multi-task, keep many unrelated things organized and planned in our heads, so life runs smoothly. You will rarely hear a mother complain about doing these things too.
Generally the mother is the one packing lunches, filling out school forms, making the list or doing the grocery shopping, laundry, picking out school clothes, making sure homework is done, school bags packed with the right shoes for gym, gloves, erasers, cupcakes for parties, birthday RSVP’s, and more. Compound that times the number of children.
The mother is also usually the one managing time, the social life of the family, each appointment and practice, soccer, girl scouts, early dismissals for dentist or doctor appointments, ensure after school care, or stays home when the children are sick, on and on. Not even counting the endless of hours of driving.
The mother is also the emotional barometer of the family. When a child is hurt or in pain they instinctively go to the mother, her hugs and comfort can take anything away. This carries from infancy forward. She is there to answer questions, about everything, to help with the friend who is being mean at school, about a developing body, ailments, or challenges.
And yes, most husbands do “help”. And I know there are exceptions to the rule. I don’t even believe it is intentional. If asked most will take the children to a soccer practice or a doctor appointment, and also can put on a band aid. But that’s not the issue.
The mother is the epicenter in managing a home. She is the one who makes sure the children (and usually the husband too) have their vitamins and prescriptions, or inhaler, hair put up, dresses on picture day, clean jersey or cleats, or water bottles for the game.
This is the exhausting part. There is never a break. Even during sleep our minds wander and we wake up in the middle of the night, worrying, about the specialist we need to make an appointment for.
It is a full time job, on its own.
Now add work, a job outside the home. Another whole focus a woman has to put herself into, where she has to perform. Meetings, deadlines, emails, text messages. These are often done in between homework and making dinner or doing baths. And often the appointments and scheduling for the children are done at work. It is never ending. There is never a MENTAL break.
Now add a husband, also tired from working and doing his part with the family. He comes home and desires intimacy with his wife, and wants to share his day, his stresses. He wants her attention too.
Unfortunately, she has little left to give. She is exhausted.
I don’t know how to change this, I don’t have the answer, but maybe awareness will help.
Women need time, a break. Maybe just needs someone to notice, or hold her and thank her for it all…
Often, the only break a woman gets is when it is time to go to “Daddy’s” house…. And sadly, this is why divorce is on the rise. #divorce #truth #womenaretired #jodihealy @jodihealy.com
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