Last night at a BBQ I sat watching a couple, who seemed in love, yet had a deep underlying tension… so of course, being me, I asked. Silence. They had just moved in together after 5 years. She gave up her “own” place and moved into “his”. The bottom line was each was “blaming” the other for the hurt they were feeling and fear they were having. Why do we have such a hard time letting others feel what they do without judgment, becoming defensive, or taking it personally? This couple simply couldn’t communicate authentically with all the accumulated blame, frustration and resentment, that continues to build, never resolved. Neither wanted to admit that they each felt like the other had power to hurt them (who doesn’t when you love???). They talked in circles about what he did, she did, he does, she does… for over two hours. Neither were willing to let go or stop giving their power away, let alone take their power back. My parting advice was simple. Try to just sit and listen, without judgment or getting defensive as if it’s a personal attack when someone feels pain (which simply results in guilt and shame)… Just try and listen as you would to anyone you loved who needed you. © Jodi Healy
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